Motivation

8 steps to a more confident you

Do you ever feel like you are not good enough?

This is a post which I have wanted to write for a while as it is something which is personal to me. As a worrier and a bit of an introvert, self-confidence is not something I have had bags of, in the past. I have felt confident in certain areas of my life but until the last few years, I very rarely felt confident just being ‘Kate’.

I know how tough it is to like who you are and when you even get to that stage, how difficult it is to want to share that person with other people.  Even now, self doubt comes round often just to pop its head around the door. I try my best and more often than not, I am successful in shutting the door pretty quickly but it has not been a quick or an easy journey and I still don’t have it all sorted out.

This post is for you

This post is for anyone who struggles to look in the mirror and love the reflection they see, for anyone who looks at friends around them and thinks ‘why can’t I be more like them’, for anyone who tries something out of their comfort zone and then thinks ‘what am I doing? RETREAT!!’ This comes with bags of LOVE and a heartfelt wish that you can take something away which helps.

So why talk about Self Confidence?

As I talk about Self-Confidence here, I am aware that I will be touching on other topics like fear, love and mindset. For me, Self-Confidence is an awareness of you as a whole being. It is linked to how you see yourself in the world and how you think others see you. It can be a great source of motivation or it can be the reason you don’t want to get out of bed in the morning. Ever said to yourself ‘who wants to listen to me anyway?’ Yes, I have completely been there! Here are 8 steps which have helped me to become more confident in being ‘Kate’:

Step 1:

Without getting too deep, the mind is a fantastic tool but it is just that, a tool. It can help us to solve problems, do difficult equations (anyone who knows me, knows that I don’t fit into this category!) or help us to simply plan our day. However, left unchecked, our mind will generate thoughts which are detrimental to the lives we want to live.

Here is the first game changer, WE ARE NOT OUR THOUGHTS. WE ARE NOT OUR EMOTIONS. I heard a great metaphor the other day from The Betty Rocker and it went like this ‘We are the sky. The clouds and weather are our thoughts and emotions. They are not permanent, they are temporary and will pass. We are the sky’. If you want to go even deeper down the rabbit hole (I feel a bit like an extra from The Matrix here but I am sincere) then read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.

Step 2:

YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR REALITY! I feel I need to explain this in a bit more detail. You cannot control the external factors which happen around you or sometimes to you BUT you can choose your response towards those external factors. You can choose to let those factors knock you down OR you can choose to see them as a lesson, something which will make you even stronger, even more capable, even more confident! It must start with you. Nobody is going to hand you your confidence and say, there you go, you’re set now. You have to believe in yourself and in your ability to handle whatever comes your way. This is NOT easy, otherwise we would all feeling super confident and that just isn’t the case.

Step 3:

Stop looking for validation from others. I have been guilty of this in the past but please don’t wait for someone to tell you how good you are at something or how pretty / handsome you are. The reason for this is you become obsessed with what other people think about you and lose a little of your true self and confidence in the process.

This also applies to social media. Don’t get me wrong, the support which is out there is phenomenal but don’t get too focused on the amount of likes, followers or comments you are getting from people on social media as a way to increase your self confidence. As long as you have something to say which you know will potentially benefit people in some way then stay true to that path and enjoy the support but don’t let it define you.

Step 4:

Practise Self -Love. Without sounding too hippy here, you really do have to love yourself as you are RIGHT NOW! Not in a couple of months when you have lost a bit more weight or when you get the job you were after. Love who you are NOW. To do this, you have to accept that you are and will never be perfect and do you know what? THAT IS OKAY! Nobody is and anyone who tells you that they have it all worked out, is lying!

I set you a challenge of writing a love note to yourself. I got this idea from the beautiful coaches at The Betty Rocker and it is so powerful. Write a letter including everything you love about yourself, both body and mind. I want you to turn all of the negatives into positives. I know this is not easy. In the past, I hated my big thighs and hips and it didn’t matter how much weight I lost, the fat just never shifted! I have now come to love them, they might be big but they are strong and they carry me around every day so that I can look after my children, work and exercise. You don’t have to change all of your negatives into positives in one day, just try small steps.

Step 5:

Be your own best friend. When you are facing any negative self talk, imagine it was your friend who was saying these negative statements. How would you respond? I am pretty sure you wouldn’t turn around and say ‘Yep you’re absolutely right, you are useless, I wouldn’t bother either’ or something equally mean. You would want them to look at all of the good things they have going for them. All of the good things they do every single day. Show yourself the same love.

Step 6:

Use affirmations. These are so important to introduce into your morning routine and as a way of combating that self doubt which we all feel from time to time. Nobody can take your inner strength away from you, only you can do that. Here are some examples of my affirmations:

I am handling every struggle which comes my way

Everything is happening perfectly

I am strong and I have got this

For more affirmations which are ready to print, subscribe to my email list to get access to the private page on my website. Just click this link 

CLICK HERE FOR FREE AFFIRMATIONS

Step 7:

Create a positive morning routine. Think about 2-3 things you can do in the mornings which will get you started on the road to a confident day. Here are a few of mine but feel free to come up with your own:

  • Create a playlist which makes you feel powerful and a complete rockstar. You can read about my own playlist here (don’t judge me too harshly on my choices!) and listen to it as you are getting ready
  • Listen to a meditation recording to get you in the right frame of mind for the day. I love the ‘calm’ app as they have such a variety
  • Exercise or do some yoga
  • Enjoy a SLOW breakfast with a hot drink while you write some affirmations for the day

Step 8:

Think about the future you. This one is quite a new one for me but I find it not only helps me to feel more confident in myself but it also helps with motivation and stepping outside of my comfort zone and feeling okay about it. Ask yourself these questions; how would you like to see yourself in the future? How would you like your loved ones to think about you in the future? What do you have to do now so that the future you becomes a reality? Start making those changes. Some of the changes might be a simple mindset change or it could mean that you need to make some more dramatic changes. Whichever category you fall into, remember when you feel unsure, revisit the steps here to make sure that you remain confident in yourself and your abilities and don’t let that self doubt come knocking!

Final thought from me. When we learn something new, we practise it countless times and when we practise, we gain confidence. However, we do not learn through success, we learn through our failures. Therefore, we cannot expect to feel confident in something if we do not experience failure of some sort. Failing at something is not because you are not good enough, it is showing you that you can be EVEN better at something. Don’t let fear hold you back, grab it with both hands and tell it to show you the way to a more confident you!

Please let me know your thoughts on this post. I love hearing what you think.

Much love

Kate x

 

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10 Comments

  1. This is so wise! Sometimes I feel like I’m leaping to step eight without taking the time to build a strong foundation for myself by taking the previous steps.

    I think there’s so much emphasis in the self-help world on constantly improving yourself and stepping outside your comfort zone that it’s easy to forget to appreciate what you are without wanting to change it. For example, being an introvert is often seen as a weakness, or a character flaw to be overcome. But it’s exhausting to think like that. Sometimes you just need to accept yourself for who you are and not always think of change or improvement. And ironically, by taking this attitude your life will improve!

    http://www.oddballcontent.com

    1. TheTustinGirl says:

      I couldn’t agree more. Very well said. Thank you so so much for taking the time to read and comment, I really appreciate it.

  2. I am also an introvert. I go through phases of self-doubt often. And yes, there was a time when I was looking for affirmations from others. I have followed some of the steps you mentioned here to build back my self-confidence and so could totally relate to this post. I have started to focus on my strengths. Try to stay as positive as I can. When I start doubting myself because of my own thoughts or because of something someone said to me, I say to myself, “I know what I am doing and it’s the right path for me.”

    A positive morning routine really helps. I start with yoga and meditation, practice my Spanish on duolingo, cook the breakfast and the lunch in the morning. It helps in preparing for the day ahead and give a positive start.

    Thanks for sharing a great post 🙂

    1. TheTustinGirl says:

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read this post and comment. Well done for all of the positive steps you’re making, I know it’s not easy. Great job on learning a language too, so important. The BBC languages section has some great resources to help improve your Spanish too. On a side note, I will be doing a 4 week course soon on improving Self Confidence and I need a few people to trial it for me before I go live with it. If you would like to trial the course for free, email me at katecarter81@icloud.com and I can let you know when it’s ready. Thanks again ❤️

      1. That’s great, all the best for your course. 😊 I will think about it and let you know as currently I have lot on my plate 😊

        1. TheTustinGirl says:

          No pressure at all. Please don’t worry about it. All the best

  3. Jessica Elliott says:

    Step one is truly a game changer and one of the hardest to get past. Great post!

    1. TheTustinGirl says:

      Thank you so much for having a read! I know, right?! I think I could write a book on just Step 1! Thank you 😊

  4. Madi Dearson says:

    Very powerful post – I am completely on board with steps 3.4.7 – I try to practice that all the tome these says. took me awhile to get there.

    1. TheTustinGirl says:

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post. I am constantly working on them, it is a journey not a destination after all. I love that you are trying some of them. Let me know if you have anything specific you do which helps you. I am always eager to learn what other people do. Thanks again.

I always love to hear what you think, please leave a comment